Cheating Myself

Sunday Dutro

(Montana)

Italy was supposed to solve everything. When it didn’t, we visited Alaska. Nothing worked, not the best food in the world nor the fear of being suctioned onto a toilet permanently in the event of an emergency. No amount of travel helped, and yet we went to Maryland. Oysters are delicious, but it wasn’t our sex life in need of more presence. I wept openly in an Italian restaurant after asking my mother and stepfather if I could come back home and she asked, “why?” The irony wasn’t lost on me: three of us at a table for four, a restaurant reminder of my previous attempt at correcting the emptiness. How could I have so completely misunderstood love? How could I have so completely misunderstood myself and what I need? I could blame the eighties for my belief that all a relationship needs is good sex, but that’d be cheating.

Sunday Dutro

is a

Guest Contributor for Panorama.

Sunday Dutro she / her / hers Sunday Dutro was born and raised in San Diego, California. Dutro earned her BA at the University of California, Davis, and a Certificate in English Language Teaching from the International House in Barcelona, Spain. A Writing By Writers Manuscript-Boot-Camp, and Haven I Writing Retreat alum, she is a member of Authors of the Flathead, AWP, Emerging Writer Member of The Author’s Guild, and a nonfiction reader for Kitchen Table Quarterly. A Montana Arts Council MAP Certified Artist, Sunday lives in Montana with her family, and sits on her public library's board of trustees.

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